tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post5039184867836570614..comments2024-02-06T16:06:25.170-07:00Comments on Sandra Dodd: Me, getting jumped, on facebookSandra Doddhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11853107998229753762noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-89017887753546554172010-02-27T16:37:10.943-07:002010-02-27T16:37:10.943-07:00There was recently a conversation about a Pat Fare...There was recently a conversation about a Pat Farenga quote on Always Learning, in the thread, "Who said this?"<br /><br />http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/message/50836<br /><br />~Rue, remembering the link fairyRuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10594041112208498129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-87178727737045633522010-02-27T16:27:12.463-07:002010-02-27T16:27:12.463-07:00The throwing marshmallows comment was made by Katr...The throwing marshmallows comment was made by Katrina Gutleben, who posted under katgut on the .com boards. ~RueRuehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10594041112208498129noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-41601301438164541622010-02-26T22:49:57.495-07:002010-02-26T22:49:57.495-07:00Roya, I love what you said in your comment here. I...Roya, I love what you said in your comment here. I'm going to quote part of it on my Facebook page :).<br /><br />Sandra, I went to look up the marshmallow quote in my copy of Rue's book, only to realize it was one of the books in the stack I donated to the library last month. (How quickly the brain forgets such things.)Glendahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11304081149041159520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-65031510962032302312010-02-26T15:13:35.799-07:002010-02-26T15:13:35.799-07:00Jenny, if you could look in Rue Kream's book (...Jenny, if you could look in Rue Kream's book (or if anyone could look), the quote is in there correctly attributed.<br /><br />I'm in Colorado at Jill's house or I could check on my old computer. I saved the correspondence.<br /><br />The John Holt error was a Pat Farenga quote misattributed to John Holt. That was discussed recently somewhere and maybe someone could put a pointer to that conversation? Always Learning list, probably.<br /><br />Gosh, I'm just a font of vague information today! We're about to walk to the Fort Collins post office so I can mail some books.Sandra Doddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11853107998229753762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-5216856342802096182010-02-26T15:05:20.751-07:002010-02-26T15:05:20.751-07:00The Throwing Marshmallow quote came from an online...The Throwing Marshmallow quote came from an online thread in the unschooling dot com boards a long time ago! I remember it when it happened because people were so excited about it, it just made sense in such an interesting way. I just wish I could remember who said it!<br /><br />I tried looking for it once through the way back machine, but, it's a monster beast to go through!<br /><br />And you are right, the person claiming it is NOT the original person who said it, this much I do know. I remember someone attributing that quote to someone and that person saying, "yes, it was me." and thinking, "no I know it wasn't you" because that name was not familiar from the unschooling dot com boards! It was a more regular poster from those days, it's been on the tip of my brain for a while and I just can't get it to come forward!Jenny Cyphershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16617177968798413772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-33400641351244212262010-02-25T20:07:33.287-07:002010-02-25T20:07:33.287-07:00Almost makes me wish I were still on FB so that I ...Almost makes me wish I were still on FB so that I could have been one more voice sharing my experience of how your direct, inspiring words have changed my kids' lives. Thank you for rolling with the punches all these years.Madeline Rainshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05075400838213199585noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-66354518532945291002010-02-25T06:08:00.026-07:002010-02-25T06:08:00.026-07:00I didn't even know of the original conversatio...I didn't even know of the original conversation and scandal. But I'm so excited and inspired by what I've read here that I am immediately subscribing to your blog.<br /><br />Your courage to speak truth boldly inspires me to do the same. I respect your commitment to fostering mutual love and communication among families.Venus Taylor, Family Healerhttp://www.healmyfamily.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-25636453082022714262010-02-24T19:58:09.361-07:002010-02-24T19:58:09.361-07:00I am very grateful for your sanity amid the madnes...I am very grateful for your sanity amid the madness. When I read the quote that she posted, I thought about how those sorts of statements from you & many other parents changed the way I thought about "traditional" parenting ideas. I didn't quite know how to handle it, but I'll learn. What baffled me even more was that my fiance "saw the other side's point" about disciplining. You really do make a difference and I'm glad you haven't been limited in that sharing.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.universitiesonline.biz" rel="nofollow">Distance learning university</a>Parmerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03657001230344701954noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-36959472060472082522010-02-24T17:37:38.822-07:002010-02-24T17:37:38.822-07:00Thank you, Sandra, both for your willingness to pu...Thank you, Sandra, both for your willingness to put yourself out there (and therefore have things like this happen) and also for bringing it out publicly so others like myself can observe and learn.<br /><br />This struck me: "When I got that she was speaking to me as the mother of my children, NOT the injured child of my mother, that's when I saw her differently." So many of us are still blinded by our own upbringing that the ideas you present are mindblowing. Very sad.<br /><br />I was also struck, as I clicked the link to leave this comment, by the words at the bottom of your blog: "Everything counts."<br /><br />I don't have anything to add to the overall topic here, but I just wanted to say thanks. I'm one of the parents who hears the words and gets the concepts but is still struggling to overcome what I know and do better for my children.Rebeldreamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02321659554975513654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-1872800677760771172010-02-24T13:53:37.923-07:002010-02-24T13:53:37.923-07:00Thank you, Sandra, for your dedication despite the...Thank you, Sandra, for your dedication despite the critics. Your words have inspired me to be a better mom, especially when they've caused me discomfort. I've learned that's the feeling of my mind stretching and my heart opening wider to a new perspective. That growing has lead to such a happy, peaceful place, especially for my kids, and I'm grateful for the time and stories you share. You really do make a difference and I'm glad you haven't been limited in that sharing.Flohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00964729568775878468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-61488207627104186782010-02-24T11:42:45.365-07:002010-02-24T11:42:45.365-07:00I don't have kids, but I wouldn't have the...I don't have kids, but I wouldn't have the same relationship with my fiance that I do today if you weren't mine or my mom's friend. I might not love the specific video game he's playing, but I love how much he loves it. Why would I WANT to impose any sort of negativity on an activity that obviously causes so much joy?<br /><br />Even if it wasn't obviously causing joy - because while he's sitting and staring at a tv he is not always doing so with a giant grin or jumping up and down for joy - he's choosing to spend his time that way, so obviously it's worthwhile to him. <br /><br />This seems so simple. He has resources. He has brains. He knows he doesn't have to play that video game or watch that tv, so if he's doing it, it means he wants to be. <br /><br />But I digress. What I wanted to say was thank you.Royahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06917425115184221415noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-26940942051268538912010-02-24T07:59:24.843-07:002010-02-24T07:59:24.843-07:00i have had the same experience of having been aske...i have had the same experience of having been asked advice by my sister once. i rarely give advice. but she asked this time and i gave it. she wanted to know what to do about her daughter's attitude and behavior. i said that she can't do anything about ANYONE else's attitude or behavior. only her own. that is it. that is all you can change or have any control over. she didn't like that and proceeded to tell me that she would from now on not ask for advice and that they would continue to do things the way they were. a year or so later she was complaining about teenagers and i said i enjoyed spending time with mine and she just rolled her eyes at me and said "but your kids actually LIKE you, they RESPECT you...so it's different" i had nothing to say to that that wouldn't cause a major family melt down so i just smiled to myself and thought about how for once i agreed with her. people don't want to hear that they need to make changes. they want the kids to change.<br /><br />i have learned so much from you over the years...i can't imagine what my/our life would be like had i chose to not be open and receptive to what you had to say.laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17219928545078883437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-89959961437693759172010-02-24T07:53:51.302-07:002010-02-24T07:53:51.302-07:00I think I have a lot of personal maturing to do in...I think I have a lot of personal maturing to do in this area. It turns my stomach to even think about this thread and I'm not even your friend on Facebook! I go back and forth on the matter. I really admire you, and people like you, who write and speak honestly and openly about unschooling and better ways to live a life with children. But I guess I'm overly sensitive to the comments, and I can't stand to have my own stomach in knots when I've failed (as I perceive it) to get my point across. Then I also find myself being sensitive to my many friends and family (many of whom read my blog) who don't unschool, or even homeschool. Some of them have great relationships with their kids and do many things that I admire. I guess I default to a place where I sometimes talk about unschooling/our lifestyle, but just don't give it a name. Then I cringe when people take my words and turn them into something I really didn't mean, or obviously they don't understand the whole message. But I've avoided the hostility, for the most part. Sometimes I think I'll "grow up" and learn to be more bold. Then I see that my kids are more bold, and maybe that's enough. <br /><br />Anyway, this post really made me want to respond. Maybe I feel a little better knowing "getting jumped" isn't entirely easy for you either. I've always imagined I would have to grow thicker skin to put it all out there like Sandra Dodd does. Anyway, as always, I appreciate that you chose to share.Tracy Million Simmonshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07566716982333768811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-21841940816526881402010-02-24T06:30:42.593-07:002010-02-24T06:30:42.593-07:00Oh goodness, Sandra, I have so much to learn from ...Oh goodness, Sandra, I have so much to learn from you! I got jumped on facebook for a quote about how assaulting an adult is bad but assaulting a child is okay (a quote against spanking, specifically). I didn't quite know how to handle it, but I'll learn. What baffled me even more was that my fiance "saw the other side's point" about disciplining. I didn't see how, at all!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02075310275616098061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-28545079402733389882010-02-23T22:40:30.612-07:002010-02-23T22:40:30.612-07:00Unfortunately, no matter who you are, where you ar...Unfortunately, no matter who you are, where you are, or what you say, this type of thing- facebook jumping-will exist. It doesn't sound like you took it too personally- I hope not! You are a breath of fresh air!!!Eileen Smithdealhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15832420783714437626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-52191978137689626992010-02-23T20:22:16.893-07:002010-02-23T20:22:16.893-07:00It's exactly the kind of out of control nutty ...It's exactly the kind of out of control nutty that happens when people go off ranting on their kids and their spouse. Forgetting that respect and self-respect are not really separate things.~Katherinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09951878454894964736noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-23149990941605080342010-02-23T20:13:31.567-07:002010-02-23T20:13:31.567-07:00This is totally off topic, but I was watching &quo...This is totally off topic, but I was watching "The Trouble with Angels" the other day and I realized that I think Holly has a resemblance to Hayley Mills. Not "Parent Trap" or "Pollyanna" Hayley Mills but older, young adult Hayley Mills. <br /><br />That is all.<br /><br />MarinRinnyboohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01412206878963166906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-92214020005327811492010-02-23T19:18:41.146-07:002010-02-23T19:18:41.146-07:00This reminded me of the old AOL homeschooling boar...This reminded me of the old AOL homeschooling boards when we first met. Good times. (Sorry you were jumped, but I know you can take care of yourself!)'Zannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02883332169523460695noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-90515666602014949662010-02-23T17:44:00.347-07:002010-02-23T17:44:00.347-07:00I've come to believe that the snarky, the quic...I've come to believe that the snarky, the quickly offended, the quick to attack, the easily upset----these folks have their own reasons to act like matches seeking sandpaper. We can try addressing their concerns logically but whatever instigates them has nothing to do with us. It has to do with pain or fear or the great effort involved in hiding darker shadows. <br /><br />We know the place of truth and honesty you come from Sandra. That's the light you carry. Sometimes there's not much for you to do but bless the others and move on.Laurahttp://www.lauragraceweldon.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-68200348728204169182010-02-23T17:02:09.314-07:002010-02-23T17:02:09.314-07:00yeah i didn't mean misattribute - i meant leav...yeah i didn't mean misattribute - i meant leave it blank.<br /><br />i'd be curious which quote is being attributed to john holt incorrectly - and also about the throwing marshmallows one...Lyla Wolfensteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11470415514683621474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-14136710741611820812010-02-23T16:58:48.745-07:002010-02-23T16:58:48.745-07:00I am very grateful for your sanity amid the madnes...I am very grateful for your sanity amid the madness. You and others have reinforced my longing to listen to my children and be an active part of their lives. It is "easier" to control small people and force them to do as you wish but the cost is more than anyone I know can even imagine. The closeness and the love I have experienced while working in tandem with my children, just the short years they have been alive, I wouldn't trade it for anything, even the illusion of control.SagePixiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13824942686931592486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-20901229351146756852010-02-23T16:58:02.719-07:002010-02-23T16:58:02.719-07:00Thanks Linda, all except that misattribution of po...Thanks Linda, all except that misattribution of posts thing.<br /><br />John Holt is being badly misquoted lately. Something someone else wrote is being quoted as John Holt, and there's No Way, but once it's mis-attributed, there it goes.<br /><br />And there's a quote that went out as "anonymous," and someone claimed it and now it's got her name on it but it wasn't hers. About throwing marshmallows. <br /><br />Anyway... I hope people will not misattribute. Maybe leave it off and reveal it in the comments in a day or so, but please don't confuse the world of plain truth with any purposeful misdirection.Sandra Doddhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11853107998229753762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-62897402524275886112010-02-23T16:45:45.143-07:002010-02-23T16:45:45.143-07:00I find it interesting that people get so defensive...I find it interesting that people get so defensive when all they need to do is ignore advice they disagree with.<br /><br />I also find it interesting that so many people get hung up on the amount of time their kids spend watching TV, or playing video games, or using computers, or being online, or whatever it is, rather than having any concern about, or interest in, what their kids are getting out of all that. As if it is all created equal, and their kids are indiscriminately wasting their time. As if there is no value at all in such activities.<br />We went without a TV for ten years. We have one now. No big deal, either way.<br />We don't have any limits on how much time anyone spends using any of these things- or limits on other things, either. It's too counterproductive. <br />I do understand that many, if not most, parents are much more stressed about parenting in general than I've ever been. And I understand that they can't believe what they don't comprehend, they can't comprehend what they can't see, and they can't imagine things that are in too much conflict with their experience and worldview. The parents who get defensive and critical and sometimes, downright nasty, believe what they are saying, and often seem to believe that those of us who say we don't see or do things that way MUST be lying or making things up because it really doesn't make sense to them. Saying "We've never had limits on TV time and my kids don't really watch much" or "we don't limit sugar and my kids generally don't care about candy" or similar things makes as much sense as if we said "we eat organic food so my kids have sprouted wings and learned to fly."<br /><br />Enough rambling.<br /><br />Sandra, isn't it odd that people get so weird about you being an "authority" when all you've ever done is share your thinking about things?<br /><br />Lyla- my mentor often plays with posting quotes and misattributing them, to see how that changes people's responses to them.Linda Wyatthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15502645664373341448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-6565882557101126962010-02-23T16:36:05.744-07:002010-02-23T16:36:05.744-07:00Hey there Sisterfriend,
Thanks for still being wil...Hey there Sisterfriend,<br />Thanks for still being willing to be "verbally jumped", I for one really appreciate it! ♥ErikaDPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15670593512991067729noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12510183.post-16527347604948419192010-02-23T16:02:57.941-07:002010-02-23T16:02:57.941-07:00"Lyla wrote: "I have never seen more &qu..."Lyla wrote: "I have never seen more "balance" in my kids lives than once i fully embraced their interests, stopped trying to apply MY sense of balance onto them, and yes, stopped complaining about who and what they were passionate and interested. i could (and might) :) write a book some day." <br /><br />If she writes one, I'll definitely buy a copy!"<br /><br />thanks sandra, that means a lot to hear you say that. i was struck by the direction the thread took too - in many ways. one main thing that surprised me was that nobody seemed to be noticing that the original quote wasn't even about limiting tv. it was about losing AN opportunity of a shared thing. not ALL opportunities. not about people being horrible parents. it was about ONE little thing that plagues many parents and that is uncommon to see examined. but the thread became about something completely different. i was thinking it would be a good social experiment to post quotes of lots of people, you, john holt, joyce, and then unpublished "lay people" too, and NOT put the reference on them - see what the response it.Lyla Wolfensteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11470415514683621474noreply@blogger.com