Keith, me, arguments, peace

I wrote this on facebook in 2018, and I would like for my kids to be able to find it someday. Others might benefit, too.

February 14, 2018

Valentine's Day report
Young love was fun. Longterm love is different—different things are fun. Familiarity. Having a good woodpile. Memories. Projects. Grandchildren.

Our friend André Begnaud commented, "Hair color may change, but those smiles are still the same!" I responded:

We're not always smiling. Some disclosure: Sometimes we start to recite one of our repeat arguments, but we remember it's a re-run, and jump to the end, or trail off. They're about feeding cats (how to), or putting tools up (one of us is too short sometimes, and figures "on the bench" is close enough), how to do laundry (mostly we do our own now, and it pisses me off that his isn't totally ruined for his not following my instructions).

I guess the trick is to know it's about cats, tools, and laundry, and not about the soul of the other person.

Keith and I have been married since 1984, and were a couple for six years before that. It averages out to 40 years, these days. This year, our youngest child turns 30; the oldest will be 35.

Most mornings, we play three games of Dr. Mario. We're evenly matched, and if one of us wins all three, the other is probably unwell somehow. We've joked that it's our Alzheimer's test, but it can be an indicator of smaller problems, too.
"Are you okay?"
"I didn't sleep well," or "I was thinking about..." and then we can help each other.

Most evenings, we play two games of Five Crowns. I do all the shuffling and dealing. That started when Keith was recovering from 13 broken ribs and a broken sternum, after his life was saved in early 2019, and he was revived from cardiac arrest, by SCA friends, and then firemen, and then ICU doctors, all three in one day. So I shuffled and dealt when it was uncomfortable for him, and now I just do it because I do. Keith keeps score. It's a time we can talk, if we need to, and joke if we don't need to talk.

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The photo above was taken by Rachael Rodgers, in November 2016. She took this one and several others that day:

That photo predates the births of Ivan, Kirby Athena, Tommy and Wynona. I looked better in the other takes, of that arrangement, but others looked beautiful and happy in this one.

Moments pass. Try to keep the peace.

2020 in Review, Christmas-letter style

I have links to the Christmas letter. I sent out lots, thinking partly that it might be my last chance. 2020 was like that.

This is being written afterwards, but I'm backdating it so 2020 has more than one post.

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2020 Christmas (if you'd rather go to the website version right away)

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2020 Christmas
Sandra Dodd

(You could skip to the good part about how this whole Christmas card is a picture of the basket.)

BUSINESS:

Please don’t feel bad if you didn’t send me a card. Don’t. It’s stressful. Let it go. Maybe send me a text or e-mail, or you could click “like” on some facebook thing. That’s plenty.

PERSONAL:

I made this letter from me, because Keith didn’t want to tell people he had another “cardiac episode,” but because it’s my story, I will tell you that we learned this much, on August 9: an implanted defibrillator can wake a guy up and put him back on schedule, heartbeatwise. Keith is well, swimming, splitting wood, playing music (more info at the link below).

Grandchildren review/news (all are well, as are their parents):

Devyn (2009)
Ivan (2017)
Kirby Athena (2018)
Tommy Kore Lynn (2019)
Wynona/Wynnie (2020)

I am informed that this is to be the full set, forever, including by Holly, who has recently moved into her own home, much nearer to the artsy vegetable farm where she works. I’m happy that all of our kids and kid-in-laws are employed, all from home except for Holly.

THE GOOD PART:

The card is a picture of a basket. Gerard David apparently owned a basket, five hundred years ago, and worked it into at least three paintings. In this one it is clearly a diaper bag—rolls of swaddling cloths are showing.

TIME OUT: I've put this letter online with links and images, if you'd rather.
sandradodd.com/2020

A few years ago I read a book called Vermeer's Hat, by Timothy Brook. It’s about connections among people and places, and how the Dutch East India company traded with China, which led to the blue-and-white ceramic magnet of a windmill that I (and many others) own. But in between those things were stories of ships and Spanish silver mined in South America, and how the travel and exchanges of goods were working. History and connections, technology and art.

Many of Vermeer’s paintings were made in the same room, with the same window, sometimes the same props, art, or map. Vermeer’s Hat is about his stuff. I enjoyed the whole story, and all the images.

So time passed, and I had one Gerard David image on my website. A few years later, I found a second one, out in the wild. Same basket. I got excited and did web searches for discussions of that, but I didn’t find anything. Cool!

This year I happened to see an SCA-related discussion of baskets somewhere, and there, right there, was the same basket. Another Gerard David! There was some artistic license in the color, but still…

As if that weren’t exciting enough, when I went to look for Christmas cards this year, what pops up but Gerard David and his basket.

Thanks to Julie and Adam, I got to see a Gerard David painting in London. No basket there. I was a little disappointed that he wasn’t Spanish, as I had first guessed. When I was a kid, the two male neighbors closest to my age were Gerard Vigil, to the southeast, and David Sanchez to the north, so the name was easy for me to remember. Gerard David was not Spanish, but Dutch, as was Vermeer. He lived in Italy a while, and ended up in Brugge until his death, all before Vermeer was born.

These connections are a reminder that even from home, we can explore the world, thanks to other people’s clues and unintentional gifts, and the wonders of the internet these days, with so many detailed photos.

I could be sad at home, or I can be happy. I have years of practice at conjuring and sharing happiness. Keith knows that sometimes I fail. I get scared, or have a bad dream, or feel sorry for myself, but I revive and recover and put out one more Just Add Light and Stir, where people can peek into moments in other families, viewpoints of other people, and sightings of birds or lizards on other continents, in other seasons. There are words and ideas people can take in for a moment, or an hour, or to keep. Then I feel better.

I hope next year is easier and sweeter for all of us. If it is, your memories of an expansive world should allow you to jump on and ride it.

Best wishes for peace and health!

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If you got this far without going to the letter with images and links, here are previews (which are links, too).

January-June 2020

This will be a place for me to fill in what happened in early 2020, but the most important thing was the birth of Wynona Dodd, to Marty and Ashlee, on March 16, 2020.


Before that, it so happens, there were several outings that were about to become undoable:

February 6, Marty got a new car. He tried to come to the house to show us, but Keith and I were at Rex Burger on Montgomery, so they went there. Ivan got to work a claw machine (and direct Marty to use it).


We all went to Chuck E Cheese, before Devyn's birthday, on February 23. It was an excuse for a gathering, and we called her the birthday girl even though it was two weeks early.


February 25, I went with Holly and Rylan to the zoo to see the new penguin exhibit.



Kelly Halldorson, Devyn and I went up the tram to Sandia Peak, one day (Feb 27), and to Meow Wolf in Santa Fe (March 2).





Keith and I took Devyn to The Electric Playhouse, March 12.
Three days later, the governor told people to stay home.

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On July 5, I still haven't held Wynnie.  Indoor places at the zoo, Meow Wolf, Electric Playhouse... nothing is open, so I'm grateful for all of those visits, coming just before the governor said to stay home.  We're still mostly home. Kelly has been the first and only visitor to use the new guestbed. Irene and Gerry had been needing an ABQ spot fairly often, last year and before, and so... there's a better bed, for someday.

Keith was able to go back to swim, in early June (?).  He's doing instrumental music with Beau and Laurie B, one afternoon a week, outside, sitting far apart.

I'm scheduled to have surgery July 20, and that has other office visits and a Covid 19 test associated with it.  Doesn't seem safe or good, but...  there's really no solid knowledge of what is right yet.

Recently, Wynnie passed three months, Ivan's 2 and a half, and Kirby Athena turned two this week, July 3. We're all healthy, so I try to think of the good things, and find gratitude for what we did get to do this year, so far.

Urgent care for my Uvula

These were taken where I spent much of Christmas Eve morning. I love that place, on Montgomery east of Juan Tabo, in Albuquerque. I took the photos for the facebook group Zias and Pickups.

I'm better now, because they have great people. I'm very glad my (seemingly) life-threatening problem was NOT tomorrow/Christmas, but on Christmas Eve, when they were open (shortened hours, but I got in) and the pharmacy near me was open, and I was better in just an hour.

Uvulitis. I felt like something was stuck in my throat that was going to keep from breathing soon, because it was already keeping me from talking right and full voice, and I was afraid to swallow. I had tried hoiking it up, but that really hurt my chest and my head. I tried swallowing it. That was really not helping. Poor uvula.

I was very afraid, but as soon as the doctor figured out what it was, and showed her assistant, who was a medical school student, because the combination of my high tongue and uvulitis were a rarity, I was 50% cured, because I was able to be calm, and she said the fix was easy.

Three days of steroids (20mg Prednisone twice a day)
Motrin
"Magic Mouthwash" (seems to be lidocaine in a pepto-bismol base, and I can gargle with it four times a day, and swish and spit and forget)
and
Allegra, because it seems I have an allergy, and that might've contributed to it all.

But the combination of those four things (five, with the knowledge that it was not a growth planning to reach out and kill me) had me calm and cheery very soon.

Other negative factors could have been dehydration (I meant to, and failed to, refill the humidifier last night that is there to counteract the...), fireplace (ashes, dust from splitting kindling), way-hot red chile on tamales yesterday afternoon (very hot), a margarita, and not drinking enough water or tea for a few days

So if you ever feel like there's something in your throat and you know it's not a foreign object, and you can't hoik it up, stop trying to. Gargle with salt water, drink tea (maybe with honey or lemon), try a cough drop, drink lots of water, relax if you can, or go to urgent care if you can't.

Amidar makes more sense there!

In a couple of Korean dramas, roommates sharing a house have made decisions or set up chore charts with the use of a sort of game on paper like this:


On a site called "DataGenetics," there's an article about this, and it's the way Amidar (the video game) worked. We had an Amidar game! There are screenshots, and some description,and it talks about the game the motions are based on.

In Japan, it's called "Ghost Ladder."
In China, "Ghost Leg."
In Korea, "Ladder Climbing."

The Japanese word is "Amidakuji" so... Amidar. Tadaa!

And then they have diagrams and explanations for how the randomizing game works, on that page, and I hope you'll look.

The blog "Ask a Korean" has an article with samples and stories: How do You Climb "the Ladder"?

I found all that (except the image, which I lifted from some drama or another) by searching for ladder randomizer Korea

Sorry he didn't have clothes on. He was getting dry after a bath. There was a "fig leaf" version of this photo, long ago, on some '90s computer. Found it (2024).

Carousel in France, in snow

Pam Sorooshian took me to see several carousels in and around Santa Monica in 2013, after I had taken photos of carousels in lots of places (Leiden, several in England, some in the U.S.) and had become interested in the similarities and differences.

The one is this video (someone's video) has many elements I have seen before, but an airplane up high I hadn't seen (have seen them low to the ground), and the balloon was new to me. Back-to-back chariots (stationary benches) I hadn't seen, either.

It's pretty.

Some of the California photos: https://sandradodd.blogspot.com/2013/10/where-have-i-been-this-week.html

The carousel at Hollycombe Steam Fair in Hampshire:
https://sandradodd.blogspot.com/2013/10/my-favorite-photo.html

A recent exchange with Mary Bess Whidden

Mary Bess Whidden
You're friends on Facebook
Works at University of New Mexico and Professor Emerita of English
Studied Shakespeare at University of texas austin
Lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico

9/29/12, 7:56 PM
Sandra
UT is playing on TV which reminded me to come and look you up on Facebook. My facebook page can be a crazed tarbaby. My peaceful interface is here: http://justaddlightandstir.blogspot.com

2012 passed, and nearly five more years. Then I was at a gathering with Mary Bess, and she was asking about what exciting and exotic things Holly was doing, living in northern New Mexico. I wrote this:

1/29/17, 9:05 PM
Sandra
Here's were the Wild Holly Dodd is working. It looks like a very beautiful, high-class House of Woo.

They sell singing bowls, and it costs $50 a head for the cave tour.

(There was a photo with this, at the time, of the dining room there.)

originnewmexico.com
Origin provides nourishment, stewardship, community and space for personal and group expression within a 145-acre guest resort in the high desert of northern New Mexico.
originnewmexico.com

Sandra
Her Espanola yoga teacher (who lives in Taos) was leading cave tours, and when she heard that the owner wanted to hire someone to be a receptionist and figure out all the problems with their bookkeeping and correspondence backlog, to do billing and learn to do cave tours, the yoga teacher recommended Holly, and there it is. Real money, but not real benefits yet.

Sandra
But they trust her with keys and accounts and money and passwords, and that doesn't surprise me beause she's competent and trustworthy. And she's kinda cute.
Glad to see you today!

She didn't see that, either, for not yet being on messenger, but I had sent it merrily out, and didn't check back.

12/12/18, 12:39 PM
Mary Bess Whidden just joined Messenger! Be the first to send a welcome message or sticker.

12/13/18, 10:42 AM
Sandra
Facebook says you just joined messenger.
My husband ignores messages on facebook. Some people do.
Now you can see what I sent you last year!
Or, perhaps like Holly does, you'll ignore messages anyway.

It's interesting that more methods of contact haven't really made it a guarantee that people will get messages, and it's coming up on being rude to just call someone without prior agreement. (For young people, anyway)

And then another year went by, but I didn't notice, or mind.

SEP 28, 2019, 9:05 PM
Sandra
I either saw a fleeting message from you and lost it (it might have been a very old one; my e-mail is messed up), or I dreamed I did.
Either way, I thought it might be worth checking.
I heard Angela had an accident. I hope she's healing, and home.

SEP 29, 2019, 8:13 PM

Mary Bess:
Thank you, Sandra. Broken collar bone and ten fractured ribs with pain. She should leave therapy place, not a bad situation, in about a week. She will be grateful for your concern, as am I. I miss your updates on Keith but am relieved they aren’t needed and have been replaced by peaceful photos of play with grandchildren.

Sandra
I didn't know the injuries were so... numerous, and in such moving parts. I think a broken leg is a better deal than collar bone and most of the ribs. YIKES.

Just lately the stress came to me, about Keith's survival ordeal.
When it was happening, I was all efficient business.
I've had a delayed reaction, but I'll be okay.
I wanted to say it might happen for you, too. I didn't expect it.
Didn't know it was a thang.

Mary Bess:
You are good to think of that. You were strong and clear-thinking for a lonnng time for such a strong and suddenly bestuck man.

Sandra
He handled it all better than I expected. I still don't let him drive his big pickup. He drives our smallest car, only in daylight, but he politely goes along with that.

I hope things go as well as they can for Angela and you, for the regular routines and requirements of what you were used to before.

Mary Bess:
Thank you so. To spite the world which reminds us that we are old, we persist, thanks to friends such as you. (Your grandkids pictures give me much pleasure.)

Sandra
I'm very glad to know you.
There will be two more grandkids coming along.
Two, or twelve (not counting Holly, who is off to Austin (on the way back, by now) with her boyfriend who is 20 years old.
She'll be 28 in a month, and this boy can't go to the karaoke bar with her.

Mary Bess:
Congratulations to all of us!

Sandra
When Ashlee announced their #2 (that's Marty's wife), I wrote:

I have done math. I have done a graph. I have projected into the future. By 2030, I think we will have 14 grandchildren. Check my figures. Babies born in 2017 (Ivan) 2018 (Kirby) 2019 (Tommy) 2020 (Ivan-sibling) and so on... I think my prediction will be marred if Holly joins in.

Sandra
No one has pointed out I didn't count Devyn.
If they do, I plan to say that for statistical cleanliness, I have eliminated outliers—her and any baby that might be born in 2040.

Mary Bess:
You are and have always been a wizard. Fourteen! A lot of names and busy brains.

Sandra
It's science, I think. Math. That's all.
I might go quiet now. Tired. Thanks for the update and the chat.
Good night!

Mary Bess:
Night night and love to all.

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Friday night, November 22, Holly's boyfriend's 21st birthday, I saw a couple of notes on Facebook addressed to Mary Bess in ways that people address the dead, there. I finally found a note saying she had passed away of illness, on Thursday night.

There was a party at the McPherson compound in Corrales, on November 9, and Angela came, but not Mary Bess, though this had appeared on the event page:

It is very interesting that Facebook allows us to continue to leave messages for people after they cease to read them. I like it.

Mary Bess was a friend of Dave McPherson's, in my life, but I was glad to know her and to see her so often, over the years, almost always in Corrales at the McPhersons' house(s) —the last couple of times at the new casita).