Friday, August 02, 2013

Unpleasant business; sorry

I've known since 2006 that Dayna Martin was using my name for her benefit. I've known since early 2007 that she was dishonest. I warned a few people and went about my business.

Sometimes problems flared up, I wasn't involved, I ignored it and kept doing my own volunteer work, as I have done since before Dayna ever had children, since before she had a husband.

For years I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Time passed and there were more incidents. Sometimes it seemed that Joe and Dayna were trying to call me out, using my name to compare Dayna to, insulting me to others, making untrue claims (twice resulting in conferences flying their family across oceans, in part, I have heard, because Dayna said it was customary, and people did that for me and my family).

I kept doing what I had always been doing, hoping Dayna would eventually reveal her flaws in public, and others would say "She's dishonest," so that it wouldn't be just me saying it.

That time has come.

July 28, 2013, Someone wrote to me:

I had red flags about them that I let slide for a time, but I finally realized that she was a fraud after the conference where I met you. You said she plagiarizes all the time. And, you are one of the best at making sure that something that is said is attributed correctly. And, I tagged her in a post on Whole Life Unschooling and said that she should respond. She said that she was tired and needed to go to bed and that she would respond in the morning. She never did. You would not do that. It really seemed to me at that point that she was just trying to maintain an image, but not really interested in investing any energy.

10:39am Sandra Dodd I don't think she has it in her to give real help. She's a big picture of help and "support." She's wearing a costume of help and support.
When problems with Dayna got so bad that people were willing to share them in public, dozens of others came out, and I began to take notes, to add to the things I had already known. I set up a facebook page called "Clearinghouse, temporary." I didn't make it a closed group. It's like a storefront with big glass windows where anyone can read. I was not being sneaky. I asked questions and people brought answers. I expected accounts of some fraud and some dishonesty, but people brought more, and worse. I plan to use it to set up a timeline with annotations and links, when available. Joe and Dayna delete a great deal of what they write. I will save details and more lengthy accounts in non-public places, in case things flare up again someday. The beginning of my collection, still sketchy as I write this, is here:

I began this post on Sunday, July 28. It's nearly the end of the week, and the influx of disparaties, twists, turns and fabrications stuns me. There is much more than I imagined there could possibly be, and the flow of reports hasn't stopped.

I fully expect that there will be a campaign of threats and lies, because that's what Dayna and her husband have delivered to many of their former friends. I am not a former friend; I was wary from the start, when my name was used before I had ever heard of her. But I was also willing to give her a chance to be better and to do better.

This is my reply to an apology, of sorts, from someone surprised both by the revelations about Dayna, and about my responses:
-=-although I'm keen to be a kind and compassionate person to all, some are clearly more deserving of that than others. And sometimes what appears to be bullying, is merely folks trying to protect others from someone who is either devious or who simply is not to be trusted.-=-
When people who want to be fair are taken in by someone like Dayna (or a televangelist, or gang leader) they think they are fighting injustice by being loyal to this poor misunderstood saintly person who has done no wrong, and is being persecuted because others are jealous (or whatever). The problem is, though, the central figure in their club/cult uses all their numbers and influence to cause more havoc, and then thanks them sweetly. Gives them gifts.
I've received several apologies from people who defended Dayna, or covered for her, or who had badmouthed me to please Dayna or Joe.

Wednesday, July 31, Joe posted this:

ok this has gone on long enough. All you mean ass bullying ass woman, mothers, leave my fuckin wife and family alone. You call yourselves advocates for family. Your all evil and cold. Nothing more. (make sure you screen capture that)
My response to that, on the Clearinghouse discussion:

I have endured seven years of plagiarism and lies. He can't endure four or five days of questions and truth?

I'm starting to believe this:

Joe and Dayna are not living life. They are playing life like a game in which other people are pawns, cardboard cutouts, targets and obstacles.

If they were living a rich, unschooling life, they would be home with their children, learning. They would focus in, on their relationships and togetherness, instead of out, to other continents, other years, other people's money, reality tv shows and fame.


Sandra Dodd said...

I said "dozens of people came out." Dayna would have said hundreds.

I said several people have written to me. Dayna would have said dozens.

Everyone who listens to anyone for any reason should consider motive and truthfulness.

What will happen to me if I'm wrong about all of this? What will happen if I'm right?

What are the odds I'm wrong about all of this?
What are the odds liars will lie?

Anonymous said...

I am really not familiar with what is going on, though I have read other blogs on the topic.

I have two people in my life who I just keep thinking: give them enough rope and they will hang themselves. can't be the only one hurt by them. I have, recently, found that while some people still they they are "awesome" and "amazing" others have started to come and out and hesitantly say, "I don't read their blog..." "I stay away from them...". I've noticed other friends have stopped following/interacting with them on social media.

This post is a good reminder that if you notice something about someone, eventually others will as well.

Virginia Warren said...

I don't do Facebook; I don't watch Dr. Phil or Wife Swap our whatever television program the Martins used to put on their show. I never heard of these people until today, but I think there is a good (bad?) chance they have had a negative impact on my family.

My husband, while fully on board with home schooling, is highly skeptical of unschooling, and not interested in reading the sources I read (Always Learning, Sandra, Joyce, Pam L., Pam S., John Holt). This means his only exposure to "unschooling" is from the mass media. I put that in quotes because, as for his exposure to actual unschooling, he's soaking in it, and enjoying the benefits, whether he knows it or not.

If the word "unschooling" becomes associated with people like the Martins, it's not going help me get my family, for example, to an unschooling conference.

An enlightened soul who once respected DM said...

I know this is years old but I just want to let you know DM continues to fabricate stories to gain followers. She is NOT as she appears.