Sunday, August 30, 2009

Holly is leaving home

This is only coming to me in little phases, which is probably the only way I can process or handle it. I will not always have Holly with me.

I'm excited about the Good Vibrations conference in San Diego, and I'm looking forward to seeing Kirby, and the Sorooshians, and lots of other friends from all over the place, and to the talent show and the passion baskets (I'm taking a "basket basket" and a "trash basket"), and to singing, and seeing people see my new book, which is VERY exciting. I've gotten sick and I'm getting well (check!) and I'm well on schedule to have everything calmly ready way in advance, and...

And that same countdown to something big and bright has, for me, a sad and dark side.

For Holly, she's looking forward to lots of those things AND to leaving the conference with the Maier family, going to Diana Jenner's, seeing Hayden, meeting Scotty, getting to know the dog, exploring the town, maybe getting a Christmas job in a mall or something... Her adventure will get bigger and better.

I'm thinking my own excitement curve is going to have a serious drop-off after we get home from that conference—me, and Keith, and Marty.

10 comments:

Shannon Dee said...

I wish there was something - anything - I could say to make it easier...
My heart hurts for you, and feels joy at Holly's unfurling.

May she travel joyfully and safely, and always remember where home is.

Frank said...

Nothing to say really, except that we promise to take good care of Holly from San Diego to Corvallis and we empathize.

Sandra Dodd said...

Even though I have tears in my eyes re-reading this, I do feel like a phenomenal whiner, because she plans to be here for a while in January, and I'll probably see her off and on for years to come, while some other families have a kid who left more unexpectedly and more forever.

Even though I know the trick/tool of "I wept because I had no shoes tilI met a man who had no feet" and all, still, in my life, a bubbly joyous part of it is going.

But here's the deal. My imagination is a trickster. I'm imagining I'm going to lose my 17 year old Holly who would have been with me forever, but she's only going to 17 for a very short while now. She'll turn 18 at Diana's house!

I'm sad about her not being twelve anymore, and six, too. So I'm just whining. :-)

Sandra Dodd said...

(more like whimpering, but I'll try to stop anyway)

Lori said...

I don't think it's whining OR whimpering - sounds like genuine and appropriate grieving to me. Even though you know there will be good times ahead, it's still okay to be sad about the good childhood times that are finished. Hang in there; be gentle with yourself. XXOO

Glenda said...

I only know you through your blog and your writings, but my heart still aches for you. I agree with Lori, that what you are expressing doesn't come across as whining or even as whimpering, but rather as appropriate grief.

The longer I am a mom, the more I understand the sadness my mom felt the day I told her I was moving out.

sgaissert said...

A hug from me to you. Isn't it something how our daughters become so much a part of us? Mine is like part of my skin. Of course, it's wonderful that Holly is off to see "the Great World" as Maud Hart Lovelace called it, but sad, too. Again, a big hug.

Hema A Bharadwaj said...

Sandra, Raghu went to Bangalore for 3 whole days and a half day.... and i could feel a weird emptiness inside. Zoya and I shared some good times by ourselves... but mostly we pined for Raghu. Now i know he is only 6 and it was only 3 days... and i have many years with them beside me still... but i felt a mild version of what you describe. And i feel for you. Wishing you a peaceful passage into this new phase of life. Also... hope you are well and in sunny health.

Katy said...

I am so sad for you that Holly is leaving, happy for Holly, I am sure she will have great adventures, but sad for you.
It makes me realize that Richard isn't that far behind! That is good though, because it makes me want to slow down and hang out with him more. He gets so busy with all of his stuff, the only good thing about us being sick is that he wanted to cuddle lots, that was nice.

~Katherine said...

Oh maybe not. The excitement comes when it does on it's own mostly .. or it does in *my* crazy life. But I sure would miss my baby .. really. Poo. Totally not looking forward to that missing Karl thing. So I think I'll go forget about it now. All the best to you and yours, Sandra. What a wonderful family and a great influence to my family you've all been.