Friday, November 07, 2008

Science and Friday

Before I get to the Friday Fill-Ins, I have a report to make about Kellogg's Frosted Mini-Wheats. I didn't do the research. I'm just reporting their reporting.

So it's 5:30 in the morning and I'm awake and there's no juice and it's too early to go to the store, so I open a big box of cereal Keith bought at Costco. Inside this big box are two big bags of Frosted Mini-Wheats. Cool. I'm deciding whether to flatten the box for recycling or save it whole for maybe sending a Christmas gift to Kirby or something, and I notice this important clinical news.

It says it's going to improve my attentiveness.

So I start paying more attention right away. There's fine print.

Oh. It will improve kids' attentiveness by nearly 20%. Up there by the happy cereal guy's piece of chalk (chalk while I'm eating powdered sugar is gross, but it's not real chalk) there is a footnote marking. 1. I'm looking for the 1.

There's a note, over there under the happpy cereal guy. It says there's more information on the side panel. Isn't that the way it always is? But this is different. This had a footnote. So I get the side panel, and I get a magnifying glass. I'm starting to have more Need to Know than I have hunger for cereal.

See right below the easy-to-read yellow box? In the orange. The print that's even smaller than the notice about sugar at the very bottom, it says something. It's my footnote. I have scanned and enlarged it for the edification of those who read this blog.

So wait...
"kids who ate (this...) had up to 18% better attentiveness..."
If the highest measure they got was 18%, and that wasn't the average, then they rounded that up to 20%.

But my important question had been "better than WHAT? what did the other ones eat?"

Nothing. Three hours after eating this, some did (and some didn't) pay attention 18% better than kids who had eaten nothing. A kid who's three hours out from breakfast and has eaten nothing hasn't eaten for twelve hours or "up to nearly 14 hours" maybe I should say.

So compared to someone who hasn't eaten since the day before, this cereal will rate somewhat better in "attentiveness." Attentiveness to what!?

I know how to improve kids' attentiveness nearly 100%. Only talk about things they want to know. Only show them things they're interested in. Be dazzling and funny. Look at them and smile, and stop testing them and calling them kids. Stop starving them and making them perform scientific experiments in the name of advertising sales. Let them sleep!! Let them eat when they want to. Give them many choices alongside of or other than Frosted Mini-Wheats.

1. My blueprint for success includes finding happiness in small things.

2. M&Ms was the last candy I ate.

3. The best facial moisturizer I've ever used is !? I've never used a facial moisturizer yet, but I guess if I come to need one I'll find this post and follow the links to where hundreds of people (or dozens) have named their favorite facial moisturizer!

4. Singing can be good therapy.

5. I'd like to tell you about how wonderful my kids are, but I've already done that other places in this blog.

6. Speed is my strongest characteristic. Not running or walking, but I can think and write and type and speak at a brisk pace, which is sometimes useful. Perhaps a few hours ago I was nearly 20% faster than people who hadn't gotten up at 5:00, cleaned a kitchen quietly and then eaten Frosted Mini-Wheats. Perhaps.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to sitting with Keith and working on a jigsaw puzzle while he watches crazy wrestling, tomorrow my plans include nothing particular and Sunday, I want to help Jasmine celebrate her 18th birthday by going to Garduños for dinner. I am opting out of the air-soft battle in the mountains. Holly will represent our family in the celebratory imaginary carnage.


Happy Campers said...

You are a genuis...and SO right about how to increase attentiveness!

Just today, I made a comment that we made chocolate raspberry-white chocolate cheesecake bars for "math" and someone commented that "Wow! Math would have been my favorite subject if I'd learned like that!"

I felt like the lightbulb went off about our homeschooling...that's exactly WHY we do the stuff we do. So math, and whatever else we "do" in a day, is the way Reese learnes & holds his attention.

Not because I gave him Sugar Puff Wafers or whatever :)

Loved the post :)

Deanne said...

You are so funny! I too would have been reading and the fine print and ripping it apart. ;P

Friday's #6 made me LOL. :D

Angel (I love rice moisturizer) Rice said...

Rice moisturizer is one natural moisturizers it helps protect the skin from being damaged by UVA and UVB which are the cause of melasma, freckle, and skin cancer. Because it has plentiful minerals, unsaturated fatty acid and vitamins especially the natural vitamin E which is in high quantity as Tocols (Tocopherol & Tocotrienol), Gamma-Qryzanol and Ceramide.

Sandra Dodd said...

I'm going to leave that advertisement there just because it's so tacky and interesting. Certainly it's not there because angel rice thought I had written that I sure did need some moisturizer!

Seriously. I eat Frosted Mini-Wheats. Why would I need anything else? My life is nearly 20% more complete than other people who... didn't have a life at all. (Oh. Wait...)

Janet said...

Hey, Sandra, you said: "got spammed about facial moisturizers. Did a saleslady write this week's questions just to follow up with an advertisement!? Can questions about things like facial moisturizers be avoided? (Too girly; too "product" oriented.)"

Sorry to hear you got spammed, that's no fun! Nope, a salelady didn't write this week's questions, I did. I'll take your request into consideration; thanks for the input :-)

And thanks for playing!

Melissa said...

I *do* feel edified! ;-)

One of my pet peeves, is how the food industry tries to sell itself. My dad was perturbed that eating cheerios did not lower his cholesterol. Could be because he's allergic to half the ingredients in there, and his allergy medicine raises his cholesterol.

Amazing how that works. huh?

Cindy said...

Wow! I had this exact same conversation last week while staring at my Frosted Mini Wheats box...glad to know I am not the only one ;)